Indescribable desire.

All these lost years of not writing. Almost sickening feeling of void. How could I abundant the precious gift giving by God? I am not sure whether I can continue open conversation as I had before on this blog but I know that I have to do to some extend... so therapytical.

“Nabucco” by Giuseppe Verdi

Yesterday we saw  “Nabucco” by Giuseppe Verdi. The opera was amazing; the costumes and the decorations were very colorful, eye-catching, and mesmerizing. The voices and the music were unforgettable. This opera captures the voice of the ancient Hebrews and their struggle as exiles. I was not familiar with the context of this opera before, and I had no idea that this famous opera depictures the relationship between the king of Babylonia and Hebrew slaves.  I was even more surprised when I learned that “Va Pensiero,” the unofficial national anthem of Italy, was one of the highlights of this particular opera. The most unprecedented thing happened to me during the third act – the solo singer, who was supposed to sing from the audience – was sitting next to me. Naturally, I had no clue, and when he started singing, sitting just 5 inches from me, I got startled.  It was so unexpected! Who would have thought that I was lucky enough to get a ticket next to the performer. That was an unforgettable experience; the singer’s voice was so strong that I felt like a bolt of lightening was going through me. My chair was almost shaking by the power of his voice.  Not to mention that everybody in the entire opera house was glancing in my direction. After he finished his performance, the crowd’s cheers directed towards the singer swept me over. I was shocked and happy.

smart liposuction

On January 24, I did smart liposuction on my upper arms. Did I really need it? Who knows. After years of battling with push-ups and bench press without seeing much results, I decided to do it. To be honest, I became convinced that my biological arm structure is not favorable. Despite my intensive exercises, my upper arms were never firm. I could see results on each part of my body but my arms. I made a decision to have surgery to help me out. The surgery was tolerable with the local anesthesia. The first numbing part was very painful; the rest was a piece of cake.  I did it at the Body Care center, only because it was very near my home—a convenient location. I could walk. I think the doctor should pay a little bit more attention to his patients and stop running between different rooms doing surgeries and injecting Botox at the same time.  The success of smart liposuction mostly depends on the tightening of the skin. To remove fat is always easy, but to tighten the hanging skin without removing it is never an easy task. I got a post surgery garment, which is so tight that I can barely breath. I have to wear it 24/7 for two-three weeks. You get use to it.  The texture of the garment is so rough that I got red mark on my arms.  Two weeks to go.

Today is the Martin Luther King day. I have day off.
I had a pleasant lunch with my husband's friends and their new married doughtier and son in law in their cozy little apartment on the Venice Isle.
The young couple was very happy  since she was expecting a child. I was looking at her belly, her shiny eyes, happy smile and was trying to remember this special feeling of happiness when I was pregnant.
Unfortunately, the only happy memory that kept coming back was  the memory of relieve and happiness  after hours of tortures right away after my son delivery. I was happy see my creation and was happy that the terrible pain was over. But no memories of the pregnancy happiness.
That was so long time ago!!
The make the best use of my day off I went to Body Care center to check out available "my happiness" options, in other words to prevent aging. As I have mentioned before I have never done Botox, but had this option open. That said, today I did, the first time in my life, ArteFill, which suppose to last for five years. It is the first non-resorbable filler approved by FDA. It will last for years while other injectables will last only 6-12 months. The doctor used three tubes, one under eyers and two to treat the nasolabial folds that form around of moths. I look like a hell right now, since the face is swollen and I got a bruises under left eye. It would be no pretty picture tomorrow at work, but I do not care.

In lieu of spending Saturday night at home we went to the opera ”Mourning Becomes Electra” last week in Miami. It was not my favorite, but nice for a change. Nevertheless, I have to pay tribute to the building; the architecture was fantastic.

Lately I am noticing more and more changes in my body. I am getting older.

To be honest, my expectations of myself are too high. I have to age gracefully. I have seen too many “Botox-destroyed” women around. There might be nothing wrong with resorting to “Botox” help now and then, but it has to be done sparingly. As for me, I do not know, I have not made my mind up yet.

That said, I measured the percentage of my body-fat in a gym, and the result was awful: 27%. I have to be very skeptical about that result, because I was never overweight, and not even close.  I have no clue how they measure just by pinching my skin with the iron tongs. Does it really give a correct result? However, as a consequence of this terrible statement, I’ve purchased, for the first time in my life, a cellulite treatment package. There is always a first time for everything. So far, it only gives me a lot of bruising.

Thanksgiving was very nice- four days off. It was relaxing and enjoyable. Tomorrow is back  to work.

Today I feel depressed

Today I feel depressed, I feel almost nothing. No happiness, just a deep feeling of sadness. I feel like I do not contribute enough, I feel like I put so much pressure on myself by working, working and  working, and yet somehow I still do not satisfied with the results. I am wondering what people feel when they are happy?

Tomorrow is the third week in my new job.