In lieu of spending Saturday night at home we went to the opera ”Mourning Becomes Electra” last week in Miami. It was not my favorite, but nice for a change. Nevertheless, I have to pay tribute to the building; the architecture was fantastic.

Lately I am noticing more and more changes in my body. I am getting older.

To be honest, my expectations of myself are too high. I have to age gracefully. I have seen too many “Botox-destroyed” women around. There might be nothing wrong with resorting to “Botox” help now and then, but it has to be done sparingly. As for me, I do not know, I have not made my mind up yet.

That said, I measured the percentage of my body-fat in a gym, and the result was awful: 27%. I have to be very skeptical about that result, because I was never overweight, and not even close.  I have no clue how they measure just by pinching my skin with the iron tongs. Does it really give a correct result? However, as a consequence of this terrible statement, I’ve purchased, for the first time in my life, a cellulite treatment package. There is always a first time for everything. So far, it only gives me a lot of bruising.

Thanksgiving was very nice- four days off. It was relaxing and enjoyable. Tomorrow is back  to work.

Today I feel depressed

Today I feel depressed, I feel almost nothing. No happiness, just a deep feeling of sadness. I feel like I do not contribute enough, I feel like I put so much pressure on myself by working, working and  working, and yet somehow I still do not satisfied with the results. I am wondering what people feel when they are happy?

Tomorrow is the third week in my new job.

Today is 12 years since I met my husband. It feels almost unreal. Time flies I am 12 years older. No children together, it bothers me. Why women always want to have children with husbands? Insecurity or desire to reproduce? This is a one million dollar question. I have only one child, two children is always better. To correct your mistakes and apply knowledge of motherhood, your experience and avoid past mistakes. Who knows..

My God!! Time flies!! I am looking for new job, because I have fulfilled my commitment of 2 year at my present company, but mostly because I am looking for new career growth, which, apparently, with present management, is not possible. The only thing what keeps me is my love to what I am doing.

Alex was here, I just got week off. This is unbelievable that for a year I got only one week off and during off time I had one day unpaid. This can only happen in America. I have no holidays, you have to crude, and when factory is closed they take it from your vacations days. Welcome to America!

Anyways, Alex was here, we spent time together and I just love him, he became such handsome and smart, he is my life. So sad that I see him seldom.

"Well, I really don't advise a woman who wants to have things her own way to get married." - Virginia Woolf

Yesterday I was depressed. Today I was bored.

Friday, I came home; I prepared my meal and went to bed. And I opened a bottle of nice Chardonnay    “Martin Ray”, I strongly recommend.

I do not know what is going this year, but among my colleagues there are six people, family members, who passed away.  Not to mention that my Yoga teacher died in a car accident, 29 year old.

I am tired. I just finished with making fresh squeezed juice. I am following the latest trend and use spinach, kale, green apples, celery, ginger, carrots, etc.  Today was a quiet day.  I ran again, at home on the treadmill. My other half left me for 3 weeks on business/pleasure travel. It is ok. I am running. I wish had a better treadmill though. My favorite is “TechnoGym.” It turned out that is the Italian brand; it is very good quality and a very stable treadmill. This brand is very popular among professional users and hotels. Even during my trip to Mexico, I was pleasantly surprised that gym at the “Paradisus” hotel was equipped with all “TechnoGym” machines. The “Smooth Fitness” treadmill that we bought last year is poorly designed, and the machine shakes all the time.

Good night. Tomorrow is another day.

My favorite pictures from the Mexico trip.

"Paradisus" Playa del Carmen La Perla

On Monday morning we drove to Cancun to our next destination –hotel “Paradisus,” which is located in Playa del Carmen la Perla, a small local city. The hotel is all-inclusive and rated as a 5-star luxury resort. Normally, I do not like the all-inclusive concept; I have had bad experiences from Spain and Greece. The food and services are usually very poor. Why bother with good service when they have already received money from the guests?! A rhetorical question.

However, I was very surprised by the high quality of this beautiful hotel, the standard of rooms, design, services, view, swimming pool areas, beaches, gym, sport activities, SPA (if you should go there, please try Leticia; she has very strong hands), and outstanding food concept: an all-around-the-world cuisine experience. There are more than eleven restaurants that serve an a-la-carte menu. The food, believe or not, is better than any given restaurant on Las Olas, and I am spoiled with food choices. it is difficult to understand how they can manage to keep such high quality food for so many guests. Each and every restaurant has a different theme and offers a different cuisine. Furthermore,  the chef of the restaurant Passion is an innovator of Basque cuisine and is known for his delectable cuisine, which is extremely imaginative and crafted with masterful technique. it was a once-in-a-lifetime culinary voyage by 7 Star Michelin Chef Marin Berasategui.

I spent my days in the gym, reading a book inside the resort ( it was too hot for me on the beach), and drinking green tea while people were enjoying free drinks in the pool area. I felt relaxed.

After lunch I spent hours rambling along the local handcraft stands, bargaining and just trying to engage the locals in my conversations. I bought a local handmade blanket for 300 pesos when the original price was 550; it was fun to bargain.

Mayan ruins.

 

On the second day we woke up early and started our guided tour at 8:00, and the sun was blazing hot already. We spent the whole day wandering, strolling amidst the Mayan ruins, accompanied by  our guide and his magical stories.

Chichen Itza is one of the most dramatically beautiful of the ancient Mayan cites. This ancient city draws in some 3,000 visitors each day from all over the world. The high season is in March; summer is the very low season because of the heat. In the the spring and fall equinoxes, the afternoon light strikes the trapezoidal structure so that the shadow of the snake-god appears to undulate down the side of the pyramid to bless the fertile earth.

The main pyramid is “El Castillo,” rising gracefully and honoring priest-king Kukucan, an incarnation of the of the feathered serpent god.  In three years an existing palace will be opened which is under restoration right now.

From all what I had  heard,  I  understood clearly  that Mayan culture and its beliefs were very different than any other ancient cultures. They built a celestial observatory and were very prominent in reading the sky and in astrology, just to mentioned a few a their accomplishments.

One of the peculiar things that I learned about was the Maya’s ancient ball game. It was something like soccer, although you could not touch the ball with your hands and had to shoot through high stone loops. The captan of the winning team, from an upper class family, was sacrificed to the gods after the game. The ritual was performed in front of the whole crowd that had been watching the game.

“Wayaland”

We stayed in Chichen Itza only two nights . Our hotel, “Wayaland,” was located at the archeological site and had its own entrance to the ruins. From the window you could even see some parts of the older structures. The hotel was simple when it comes to food and services, but the surrounding scenery and environment were spectacular. When I ordered green tea, it took me a very long time  to explain that black tea was definitely not green, and yet the hotel personnel had no clue.

We rented a car. May, 26

We rented a car, and it took us three hours to drive from the airport to the hotel ”Wayaland” in Chechen Itza. The road was safe. In the afternoon I jumped into a swimming pool and was playing in the water with the different flowers which were blown into the area from the tropical trees.

There is a very special air here: magical, clear, and full of energy. That probably explains why I slept like a log my first night. Honestly, I do not remember the last time I slept so deeply. Our tour guide told us that Chechen Itza is located on some kind of magnetic field. That is probably why the air feels very special here. The less positive thing is when it rains here you must take shelter because  lightning is deadly in this area. Many deadly accidents have occurred since the magnetic field makes the lightning even stronger. Interesting.

Our journey started very dramatically. May, 25

Our journey started very dramatically. My husband, control freak, had printed out the flight tickets and announced that we flying from Miami early the next morning. I never questioned what he said or did; thus, I did not even look at the tickets. The next morning, in a hurry, we drove all the way from Fort Lauderdale to the Miami airport, just to be informed that our flight was from Fort Lauderdale. No need to describe the scene of emotions and blaming. However, to say my nerves, I kept quiet during the race from Miami back to Fort Lauderdale. When we reached the Fort Lauderdale airport and rushed into the airport check-in area, the line was endless and not moving. Thanks to our old-fashioned habit of arriving three to four hours ahead of time, we made it through the check-in line on time. After all, we do have something in common: we both find it is necessary to arrive extremely early before any flight.

I have to admit that after the checking in at the airport, I passed the time by evaluating the age of the women passing by. I could not understand what was happing to me. I was trying to determine if the women passing by were in the same age as me. Normally I would never publish such lines in my blog, because the age subject is taboo and people do not openly talk about it. However, I am exercising the privilege of sharing my thoughts with my follow-readers, the readers who would not judge. Nobody is perfect. My husband recommended that I accept my aging. It is easier said than done. I quote the famous phrase, “Let him who is without sin, cast the first stone.”

The day after tomorrow I am flying to Mexico. My coworkers were concerned about my trip. Mexico is considered to be a dangerous place.  I just want to see the Mayan pyramids in Chichen Itza, which is to one of the Seven Wonders of the World. Today was quite, a less stressful day at work.

The only big news is my husband became a grandfather today for the second time. I am very happy for him, but mostly for myself, that I am not obliged to this title.

Blogging, for me, is an addiction, addiction which is stronger than any other earthly human sins. I can spend hours and hours on contemplating about the life and trying to look deeper into connections between different circumstances and human behavior. It is also gives me an opportunity to create a memory, diary (even though I cannot express myself fully and be honest all times) about my life. Sometimes, when I read my old posts, I wondering what had triggered me back in past to write these lines and why in present I do not feel the same. What can it be for meaning of this?

Suppressing myself and canceling my blog, did not bring any good. My constant struggle to find time to write a line, left a bitter feeling about blogging and contributed to closing it. I wanted so much to provide readers with the latest news. But I realized that this story is not for readers, this is for me, thus I have to continue; though, to avoid pressure, I will keep it in public-closed mode. For those who have any interest to read, have to simply send me email on jelena717@gmail.com and access will be granted through internal blog account recognition.

I was sick during the last two weeks; first I got cold and then I got a flue, which was quite persistent and nasty. I had to work with fever for a week. Finally I am better, but still have running nose and weakness in my body. Not being able to exercise for two weeks does not improve matter. The less you are active the less you are able to do anything. But life is incredible creature; as soon as you are better you are forgetting quickly your bad days.

The next week we are traveling to Mexico, to do one more check in my list "Wonders of the World". Where exactly?; we are going to see ​"Chichen Itza". I am looking forward.